day zero

last night i both answered my first CL personal, and actually hit up a chat site about bondage. i met someone local and for a few wavering moments thought about going to meet him. it started simple:

y: welcome x

x: thanks

if you are wondering, i'm x, he's y. notice the genetics joke there? i like to think i'm clever. now the truth of the matter is i am clever... not genius clever, but just clever enough to make myself unhappy.

but it continues, a few questions, what are my interests, why was i there. the answers bondage, spanking, and because i was bored and couldnt sleep. thats probibly the worst reason to go to a chat room, but i was there. the worst part is while i'm talking to this stranger, telling him things im too embarassed to tell my friends, i realize all i am really thinking about is how the ex would take the news if i actually did go meet up with this unknown male.

dont worry, i didnt, but i thought about it, and while i thought about it i thought about the reaction i would get from the guy i used to meet for such things. i even thought for a second, "i wonder if i could get them both together. i wonder if the ex and "y" could be conjoled into one of my many shameless thoughts. and what would they prefer? would the ex want to watch as "y" did the dirty things? or would it be more like, well the only word that comes to mind is tagteam... i suddenly feel even dirtier.

not that dirty is bad, or that even bad is bad... cause sometimes punishment is good.