other peoples alter egos

today i happened across a blog by a guy who wanted to end his sexual dryspell (thank you stumble...)

i thought about it and wondered how it would have read if a woman had posted it. i wondered how the comments would have differed, i wondered if she would have also received exlax brownies. that must have sucked.

any thoughts?

then i wondered, how different is this? i mean i'm not writing about my lack of sex, or how badly i fail at the bar, but i am writing about all the dirty thoughts i haven't given an outlet. sometimes i'm writing about the outlet. i don't really expect too many people will read this. if they start to i expect i will have to start using full and proper grammar.

i was hoping this would allow me to find a place to set my mind at ease. a place where i could release all the nasty thoughts and ideas that flow around in my brain. i am hoping that maybe like minded people will find me and enjoy what i have laid bare upon the table.

bare upon the table, now that's not a bad idea.

i often imagine myself in different bound scenarios. i like variations of tied down doggy style the most and this is what i often come back to as a fantasy. wrists bound to knees or ankles face almost smashed down on the bed or floor or possibly a lap. ass forced high in the air. this is my mental porn. this is why i get lost inside my head sometimes.

i suppose this is why i started here. to invite others inside my head. maybe to get invited into others heads.

me

i am a somewhat recently single female in the DC area.
i say somewhat recently because in the tradition of all bad relationships we reunite occasionally for sex. its good sex, or i wouldn't be so weak, at least in my book it's good. he's labeled it great. but guys are easily pleased. i'm harder to please, it takes a working knowledge of boyscout knots, a few yards of soft but strong rope, and a blindfold to start. ok it doesn't always take these things but if you want to get the job done right, it helps to have the right materials.

i like to be tied up. lots of people like it, so i probably only need half as much therapy as you think, and that's for an entirely different set of quirks, including the sudden need to anonymously announce all this to the public. i also occasionally suffer from severe bouts of submission. this i may need therapy for, but it seems to work out for me. it's partly the source of the reunions between me and the ex. see, ours was the first relationship i really got to explore those desires, and the relationship ended because of goals and reality not because we don't like each other or have good sex. we are on different paths, except for this one part of our life which seems to keep leading us back to each other.

i think he charts his path though, because he knows about this plague of submissive behaviour. he also knows what types of conversations will set off the need to treat said plague, and i think he works it to his advantage. not that i am complaining. i am just admitting that i haven't been charting my own course at all times. i like it that way. not that i want someone to tell me how to do everything, every moment, i just like it sometimes.

of course, sometimes i lead myself into temptation. everyone has needs. sometimes i also like to guide the way i'm lead. i have planted many a naughty seed in his fertile imagination, and i feel like i haven't yet harvested what i've sown.

day zero

last night i both answered my first CL personal, and actually hit up a chat site about bondage. i met someone local and for a few wavering moments thought about going to meet him. it started simple:

y: welcome x

x: thanks

if you are wondering, i'm x, he's y. notice the genetics joke there? i like to think i'm clever. now the truth of the matter is i am clever... not genius clever, but just clever enough to make myself unhappy.

but it continues, a few questions, what are my interests, why was i there. the answers bondage, spanking, and because i was bored and couldnt sleep. thats probibly the worst reason to go to a chat room, but i was there. the worst part is while i'm talking to this stranger, telling him things im too embarassed to tell my friends, i realize all i am really thinking about is how the ex would take the news if i actually did go meet up with this unknown male.

dont worry, i didnt, but i thought about it, and while i thought about it i thought about the reaction i would get from the guy i used to meet for such things. i even thought for a second, "i wonder if i could get them both together. i wonder if the ex and "y" could be conjoled into one of my many shameless thoughts. and what would they prefer? would the ex want to watch as "y" did the dirty things? or would it be more like, well the only word that comes to mind is tagteam... i suddenly feel even dirtier.

not that dirty is bad, or that even bad is bad... cause sometimes punishment is good.

salutations

today i leaned against the printer to feel its vibration against my chest... as i did this i realized i have always been just a little dirtier than i think is healthy and decided i should start confessing it all. dirtydiary was already taken so i give you the kinky chronicle. doesn't everyone love alliterations?